||[Jun. 20th, 2009|04:13 am]
i'd rather not ask why, instead i'll continue determined and inspired to take less for granted.|
I sit back and ponder the past few days and realize how busy i've gotten myself. I'm putting a lot more effort into Passport Studios and i've had a good handful of clients through here just this week, but it all made me realize how i'm making myself busy and not letting myself out to stay connected with my friends.
With everything else we deal with in life, there are things we push aside. Isn't it crazy how we seem to blindly stack things up and push away things without much bother at times?
I think about it. I think about it a lot. I think about the people who have come and go, the ones who i've known, the ones who have touched me, inspired me, and those who expressed gratitude and warmth to share with mine.
I remember those who gave as much as they could for me, and even those who just gave, period because it was in them to give.
Then, i remember those who made an effort. The people who meticulously put together power and energy with means to combine them with deep thoughts. I remember those who took great lengths and great care to step back, and forcefully forget.
I pray for them. They don't realize what they are doing, or did. Its difficult for me to leave people behind like that even if situations get hard or personal.
Do you believe in spirits? I do. As silly as it sounds, i really do. I believe spirits that embody people consist of their basic personality characteristics, their deepest intellects and emotions.
I truly can't hold grudges for long because i truly believe if something crazy were to happen (knock on wood) and i had to continue in my spirit form, if say i had all these things bottled up inside, skeletons in my closet and things left unsaid and avoided, i actually believe they would drag my spirit down and not allow me to float up to heaven.
I mean, they say ghosts have unfinished business and thats why some believe they're still on earth, right?
I believe ghosts are weighed down by something. It could be anything, who knows.
Its ridiculous to hear news of someone's passing. I never was good at handling things like this and at least i'm honest about it.
I know it puts me in perspective. Although it saddens me, it also inspires me. When i think i loose someone, i realize that i slowly gain memories i wouldn't think i'd remember. In essence i'll never loose them.
Along with that, i know i have guardian angels watching over me.
I believe that too.
Nate - The one time in elementary school when you crawled out the bus window when the driver stopped. Crazy man, crazy.
Tito Ariel - The day during choir rehearsal you sat and shared with me the old days when you and your friends would sit around and play guitar back home in the Philippines
Tito Danny - i remember getitn a splinter on your wooden porch and you got a needle and tweezers and got it out of my foot for me.
Tita Kathy - i remember the first day you drove us to bowling. If it wasn't for you we would have never met all these great filipinos in Carteret as quickly as we did.
Fred - I was playing guitar out on my steps and you made your way over just to listen to me. You then invited me in and let me borrow guitar training DVDs. My god, i still have them.
Lola Maria - I remember your warmth and your presence, and it made me realize why my dad is the man he is, because he was loved my a mother like you
Lola Lapas - You loved to carry me and sing to me. I remember the song even though it's all in a filipino dialect. I believe the last time i saw you i was bout to get into kindergarten. I know you're watching me though. Even though you only held me briefly, i'd say i miss you the most Lola.
to the souls aforementioned and the others i knew who watch over us all, thank you, we love you, and rest in peace.